I need help removing her.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
