apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
