she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
