corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
