How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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