we're chasing vodka with high fives
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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