Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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