So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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