Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
