youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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