the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
this is an emotional support booty call
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
