After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize