No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
