90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
