My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
