Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
