I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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