The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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