I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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