Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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