i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
