I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
