Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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