so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
