I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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