id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
