Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
