What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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