I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
