happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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