And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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