babies were throwing up all over the place
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
