Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
