So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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