she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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