I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
