ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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