Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize