wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
