i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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