And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
