i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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