I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
