you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
