never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
