They should really pass out barf bags in church
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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