I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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