I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
