Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
