Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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