Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
