I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
