woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize