you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
