just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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