Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
