i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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