Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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