This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize