you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Is it penis luge time yet?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
