i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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