He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
