I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
