He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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