he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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