words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
