woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize