You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
